The Hittites had stolen several bears from the distant lands of Fiji via water slides, and were already training them when the Sumerian city of Bearopolis (sometimes referred to as Uruk) was in its prime. The Hittites took their already existing technology, the chariot, which helped toppled several peasants in various democratic riots, and made it a lethal killing machine, replacing their meager horses with bears. These "Beariots", as they were soon called, ravaged the lands of Sumer, leaving fields upon fields of dead bodies.
There was one downside, however. The Beariots were so powerful that they were near uncontrollable, and many Hittite casualties were inflicted. Because of this, the Hittite counsel of elders devised a plan to replaced all the inferior human chariot driver with bears. The Beariots would then be pulled by large teams of tiger sharks, making the Hittite force unstoppable. To test this new idea, the Hittites sent their three best Beariots to the land south of Mesopotamia, Ytdt (or "Egypt"). They expected for a positive outcome, but what ensued was beyond expectation. The Beariots demolished all of Egypt, turning their lush tropical home into a vast desert (the Sahara), eating all their babies, and pooping on the bases of all the pyramids.
This ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic shows exactly the devastation that these poor people endured. The shape of the bear, the shark, and the chariot (which later evolved into the bobsled) are all apparent, as are the disfigured and mangled forms of the pharaohs below them.
The Hittites continued their rule for many a century, but they were doomed from the beginning. The Beariots were simply a much too powerful force for the time, and constant rebellion, deceit, and theft was common. Also, more importantly, the Hittites were driven to their death through a more recent, powerful weapon - the Bear Launcher.
This concludes today's History of the Bear Launcher.
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